False Belief

I felt unloved by many for a long time. It is funny what our minds can tell us to believe when we look through a lens of hurt. As of late I have been realizing that a lot of what I felt was a lie that I told myself. Perhaps I was anxious to protect myself from experiencing more pain outside of my control. Control is like a stubborn bull charging toward its target; a red cape. However, bulls are color blind and the target being red has nothing to do with why these animals charge toward it. It is the movement that attracts the bull to the cape that happens to be red. The lie is that the cape has to be red in order to get the bulls attention. That lie endured for a long period of time and was readily accepted as truth. The same happened for me. I believed the lie of my family not loving me but in reality their love language was simply different than mine. Sadly, I believed the lie. Just because I did not feel loved does not make it true. My family loved me just not in the way that allowed me to understand or embrace their love. Our feelings cannot always be trusted. That is something I had to learn. I had to challenge every single thing I said and ask myself the hard question, is this true? With brutal honesty, I realized many of the things were not. Now years later I can finally accept this truth. Sometimes I can be stubborn and wait for other people to change but the reality is I was the one that needed to change. Change starts with us. We cannot change others we can only love them. People love differently, each have their own love language. People believe what they feel but feelings are not always true. I’m so glad my family loves me through all of my mess. In all my imperfection, they love me still.